1 - Throw Them A Bone
vast crowd filling the hall stared at me, their eyes
on tenterhooks, listening intently to my every word.
It mattered not what I said, but the tone in which I
said it, for they only heard what they wanted to hear.
I wasn't a con artist, I was guiding them through
their grief, letting them feel better and justifying
what they felt inside. They all knew deep down I was
a fraud but they allowed themselves to be tricked
into false belief, it was easier for them that way.
have a contact," I said with firm authority
whilst looking up at the ceiling, "I'm receiving
a message. Yes, someone is communicating through me.
They have something important to tell someone here
walked around the stage, acting as though I was
tuning into a transmitted message from beyond the
grave, while the audience's eyes followed my every
getting a p, pete... a rus... um a ssst, t," I
said while keeping my fingers firmly pressed against
my forehead as I continued to stare up at the ceiling
of the hall.
woman in the audience waved her arm up in the air
shaking it vigorously from side to side. She was very
overweight with greasy black hair and scruffy
clothing, my favourite type of person at those events.
She appeared alone within the vast crowd and it was
clear she was genuinely there to make contact with a
loved one rather than just for an evening out.
my Stevie!" She said with excitement while still
waving her arm.
quickly pointed at her as though she was confirming
what I had just told her even though I never
mentioned that name. The next questions asked needed
to refer to him by name as to imply I had been doing
so all along.
has Stevie passed?" I asked her knowing full
well that it was a stupid question but acting as
though it wasn't, for why else would she have
attended the show?
the woman said while nodding, "Just last year."
was fairly young so it was unlikely to have been her
child, and she wouldn't refer to her father by name.
It was fair to say that it wasn't her brother either
due to adding the word my on the front of his name
while describing him, so I guessed it was her
boyfriend or husband.
was this a sad passing?" I asked for no other
reason than to force her into tears.
very sad" she said while retrieving a
handkerchief from her handbag and wiping her eyes.
waited a few moments giving her tears chance to fully
flow down her cheeks whilst pretending to receive
another communication from beyond the grave as I
looked up into the air once more rubbing my forehead.
September mean anything you to you?" I asked the
woman who was still in tears, "It's something
Stevie is trying to tell me, but it's not totally
didn't respond immediately so I quickly continued to
speak not allowing her to say the word no.
Novem... June, July?" I quickly mumbled.
she responded, "My birthday is in June."
smiled at her.
wishes you a happy birthday," I said with a smug
look upon my face even though June was many months
crowd roared while the woman cried with joy. She
would go home happy with a warm feeling inside
knowing her loved one was on the other side waiting
for her, while I would go home happy with a few more
grand in my bank account.
quickly pressed my hand against my forehead again.
receiving another message," I said to the crowd
before moving around the stage again, "The
spirits are busy tonight. Wooh!"
crowd gave me a round of applause.
2 - A Personal Request
moments of the show ending I hurried off stage to the
sound of a roisterous round of applause. I made sure
to never hang around for too long as to not allow
time for what happened to sink in within the public's
minds. Better they realise later that I had in fact
informed them of nothing rather than while I was
still around. I did however wait behind the stage
curtain just to overhear the crowd as they left the
really has the gift," a female voice said.
did he know about my dog?" Asked another.
been to three of his shows so far and he never
disappoints, he's not like those fakers, he's the
real thing," said another voice.
of the many tricks with psychic shows was to have
plants in the audience in order to praise how well I
did, but I found over the years I didn't need such
underhand tactics. Genuine word of mouth is how news
spread about me, I had no need for fake audience
members who would dent my vast income by demanding a
share of the spoils.
continued waiting from behind the stage curtain,
listening intently, as a woman proceeded to speak
about her dog. I was unaware that anyone had lost
their dog as it wasn't mentioned during the show. I
guessed I must have spoken about a dog whilst
assuming it was a person who had passed, yet she
still thought highly of me thinking that I had
genuinely communicated with her dog. I began to
wonder if dead dogs could speak.
large crowd continued to talk to one another about
what a wonderful show it had been as they made their
way out. Eventually they were out of earshot but it
was clear they were overjoyed by the entire
experience. I made them happy and they made me happy
by making me a little richer, all was well.
I turned around to head back to my dressing room I
received a shock as two people, a large man and a
thin woman, stood before me. I cursed my manager
Susan within my mind for not minding the stage.
I said in the sweetest kindest voice I could muster.
man was unshaven and had a look of annoyance
plastered upon his face while the woman had puffy
eyes looking as though she had been crying. I peered
over their shoulders trying to see if anyone
backstage was around to help me if anything got out
man cleared his throat.
there a problem?" I asked clutching my hands
could say that," the man replied with a gruff
if there's..." I said while trying to quickly
think of a way to calm the situation whilst choosing
my words carefully.
need your help," said the man bluntly.
was a long pause while I pondered as to what was
going on. They clearly weren't about to complain but
rather sought my assistance. I smiled at them both
what way may I assist you both?" I asked looking
at each of them in turn.
man opened his mouth as though about to speak but
hesitated, most likely not quite sure if he should
make the request or not. I quickly turned to the
woman beside him as to not give them time to change
clearly distressed," I said to her putting on a
voice of concern and holding out my palm, "Would
you like to sit down then we can discuss your most
shook her head.
I'm fine," she said as she wiped her left eye,
"We're fine. We need help with our son. He's
become a little wayward lately and, well, someone
like you with your gifts may be able to help us."
she wasn't talking about someone who had passed away.
Maybe they thought I had other gifts so I was going
to have to fake my range of abilities just to keep
how may I be of service to you?" I asked.
large man cleared his throat again.
met this new girl, see," he said, "And well,
she's not really his type, she's someone who's, let's
just say she's of a lower class than what our son
normally goes for."
she leads him astray there's no telling what could
happen," the woman quickly said in a panic.
I responded slowly, "Well this isn't really my
field of expertise, I'm not sure how I can help with
this kind of problem."
man nodded as if to agree with me.
but you clearly have the gift," he then said,
"You look at the world from a different view as
to other people. If you can simply meet our son and
his new girlfriend then you'll know right away if she's
suitable like. You can read her thoughts. They don't
even need to know what you're doing, you can even
watch them from a distance and sense if she's right
that is true," I said whilst nodding my head
acting smug of my abilities out of habit.
do you think you can help us?" The woman asked.
placed my hand against my chin in the pretence I was
thinking about it but was really giving them time to
mention my fee. However even though my pretence
worked the fees they came up with were far from what
I was expecting.
can't pay you," the main said, "But, you
know, we'll recommend you to everyone within our
continued to wait to give them time to come up with
another form of payment without me needing to ask
directly. However they too remained silent.
problem with my profession was most of my advertising
came from word of mouth and just one person leaving
one of my shows happy could mean a vast larger group
of people attending the next. But bad word of mouth
had the opposite effect and if anyone learnt that I
turned someone down, even for the reason of not
getting paid, was enough to destroy my reputation.
That's why I needed my manager Sarah to sort out that
kind of thing then it would be her rather than myself
that got the blame.
had waited long enough and it was clear they wouldn't
budge when it came to my non-existent fee. I glanced
over their shoulders again to see if Sarah was about
but alas I was on my own.
course I'll help," I said with a happy tone,
"Don't worry about my fee, after all my gift is
something I share with the world."
you," the man said with a large grin plastered
across his face.
3 - The Restaurant
was a totally bizarre situation I found myself in and
I couldn't believe how I got suckered into it. I had
been tempted to fire Sarah on the spot for not being
there to prevent it but I knew it would take a long
time to find someone else willing to act as my minder
as well as a manager.
was the following day after meeting those two people
wanting me to spy on their son and I was sitting
alone in a restaurant waiting him and his new
girlfriend to arrive. I was having to disguise my
features wearing a stupid fluffy wig and thick
glasses. I could only imagine what would have
happened if any paparazzi caught eyes upon me.
the table in front of me was a small glass of red
wine which I tried to make last for as long as
possible while gently stroking at its base with my
fingers. I intended to drink up within moments of the
son and his girlfriend arriving then make up a story
for his parents. They had informed me of his name,
Matty, and his general appearance but that was about
it. I guessed they expected me to know more based
upon my psychic gift but it would have been far
easier if they gave me more information to begin with.
moment Matty and his new girlfriend entered the
restaurant it was clear why his parents had requested
my help and I almost laughed at their prejudices.
Matty was white, and tall with strong handsome facial
features reminding me somewhat of a military man. His
girlfriend on the other hand was black and her ample
body weight wobbled on her chunky legs. I continued
to watch as Matty and his girlfriend made their way
over to a table. Matty was the perfect gentleman and
pulled out a seat for his girlfriend letting her sit
before him. The wine waiter hurried over to them
while they ordered.
a brief moment Matty's girlfriend turned around
adjusting her seating position and briefly caught eye
contact with me. I glanced away and sipped my wine.
she was fairly attractive, not perfect but not too
shabby. She had a nice cleavage too which she wasn't
embarrassed to show off. As to her smile, demeanour
and personality I had no idea, but it didn't really
matter, Matty clearly liked her and that was all that
gulped down my wine then licked my lips. I had done
what I was requested to do and it was time to leave.
I would simply make something up when I met up with
Matty's parents and fake that somehow I sensed that
the relationship would last.
looked up as Matty and his girlfriend started
laughing at a shared joke. It was obvious they loved
one another and also obvious as to the reason why
Matty's parents didn't approve.
4 - Approval Rating
night was drawing in as I left the restaurant and
headed for home. I removed the silly wig and glasses
as soon as I left then calmly headed down the high
street towards the car park. There appeared to be a
foggy mist in the air that gave a chill down my spine.
The light from the streetlights appeared to flicker
within the mist as I continued down the street. As I
turned the corner and proceeded to walk down the next
street I realised I had taken the wrong turning and
was lost. Rather than being next to the car park
entrance I found myself to be beside an old wall made
of stone. I decided to simply turn around and head
back the way I came.
my right was an old fashioned street lamp giving off
a hazy white glow of light rather than the usual
yellow. It may have been a modern street lamp in the
guise of an old one but even so I found it unnerving.
I never felt them appropriate in a modern town and
they were never bright enough.
I continued back along the street two people turned
the corner ahead of me and to my astonishment I
recognised them both as Matty's parents. Clearly they
had decided to do a bit of snooping of their own to
keep an eye on their son, either that or they were
intentionally looking for me, but I couldn't
understand why they were impatient for my opinion.
The moment they saw me they hurried in my direction
while I gave them a fake smile in return pretending
to be happy to see them.
I said to them both holding out my arms as they grew
large man nodded his head while the woman smiled back
at me. The mist behind them appeared to swill and the
air began to chill.
to you," the woman said, "Have you seen our
saw him and his new girlfriend at the restaurant
where you said he would be," I replied.
The man quickly said.
looked at him then the woman at his side. I wondered
if I should give them an honest opinion or not. In my
line of work I always told people what they wanted to
hear and I suspected Matty's parents didn't approve
of his choice of partner, but in this case I decided
to do the opposite. It wasn't what they wanted to
hear but what they needed to hear. I just hoped they
could accept it.
nothing to fear," I said with a bright look
about my face, "I sensed only love shared
between your son and his girlfriend. She has no
ulterior motive, no hidden past and no secrets she is
trying to hide. Her heart is pure. I can't say if
their relationship will last but as it stands at this
moment they are both blissfully in love."
was a long pause as my words sank in. The woman's
face then lit up and the man started to nod.
you," the woman said, "Thank you so much,
that's all we needed to know, that has he's made the
right decision. We'll tell all our family and friends
what you've done for us, you're a good man. Thank you
can finally rest now that our only son has found
happiness," the man said with joy in his voice.
both calmly stepped to one side and continued walking
down the street, directly through the stone wall, and
into the graveyard beyond.
smiled to myself and calmly continued towards the car
park. The problem with working for ghosts is they
never had any money, and I'd rather live as a rich
charlatan than a poor genuine psychic.